Noah: A Splash of the Apocalypse

The movie Noah opened in theaters at roughly 8pm Thursday night (March 28th, 2014).

Anti-Noah petitions have been showing up all over Facebook...for the past two months.  Two months.

The movie opened on Thursday night.

It has been protested for two months.  

Friday morning, I logged onto Facebook to find that one of the Christian pages had posted an advertisement for Noah.  It very innocently stated, "Noah hits theaters tomorrow".  I got on at 9am, and there were already 78 comments on the post bashing Noah, calling it a mockery, and expressing disappointment that this Christian site would advertise this horrible interpretation of the classic Bible story on Facebook.  Seventy-eight.

Did I already mention that the movie opened at 8pm Thursday night?

PluggedIn hadn't even reviewed it yet!

My opinion was, "Don't be so quick to judge something you haven't seen."  

Some agreed with me.  Some continued to rant.

So, I went to see Noah this afternoon.  

It was also my first Russell Crowe movie.

Here's Noah in a rather large nutshell:

In the Beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth.  He eventually created man in His image, but they sinned and were cut off from God.  Adam and Eve had three sons, Cain, Abel, and Seth.  Cain killed Abel, and Cain's descendants spread out and pillaged and plundered like evil people.  Seth's descendants were good and relatively peaceful people who tried to counter the evil of Cain's descendants.  Fast forward some hundreds of years; young Noah and his nomad father are innocently out in the wilderness when a group of Cain's not-so-cool descendants arrive.  They kill Noah's father, but Noah is conveniently hiding behind a rock, and therefore the line of Seth is not ended as previously assumed.

Meanwhile, as humans began to spread out over the Earth, a group of angels got together and jointly decided that they were going to go to Earth and help the peoples out (with what, I don't know).  God was somehow angered by this, so He punished them by causing them to get trapped in stone encasements when they hit Earth.  They are now mutilated creatures of the Earth, which the movie refers to as fallen angels in the opening credit sequence.  Since then, they have been hunted down by men (whether these are the descendants of Cain or Seth is unclear), and the only person who defended them was Methuselah (yes, the same guy who lived to be over 969 years old).  They are now living, more or less, in seclusion in a barren wasteland at the base of a mountain off in the middle of Nowheresville. 

Flash forward.  Noah, now a husband and a father, lives in another barren Nowheresville.  While he and his two eldest sons, Shem and Ham, are gathering food, they encounter some of Cain's descendants who are hunting.  This being an adventure film, Noah kills them, and he and his sons give the dead animal a proper funeral.  Ham seems unhealthily interested in the fact that Cain's descendants eat animals, and this concerns Noah. 

That night, Noah has a freaky dream.  He sees himself standing in a muddy pile, but instead of water intermingled with dirt squishing between his toes, he finds his feet covered with blood.  He looks up and sees a mountain, which happens to be the current residence of his grandfather, Methuselah.  Seconds later, he's underwater, surrounded by dead and decaying human remains. 

So, Noah packs up his family and they all head out to visit dear old granddad Methuselah at his mountain residence.  Which isn't as easy as it sounds.  They have to pass through Cain-people territory to get there.  They're making good time until they come upon the remains of some people who have been butchered by Cain's descendants.  The only survivor, a young girl named Ila, is wounded and feverish.  Noah and his family adopt her in an act of rescue as they are all suddenly chased by more Cain-peoples who have been lurching in the area.  Their chase leads them into the Nowheresville occupied by the fallen angels, who then spring upon everyone, kill the Cain-people (it's effortless for them as they're huge and covered in solid rock), and dump Noah and his family in a pit to die.

One of them, however, helps Noah and his family escape and guides them safely to Methuselah's mountain.  There, it is revealed that Noah is to build an ark to save the animals (and his family) from the coming destruction.  After some convincing, the fallen angels agree to help Noah in this endeavor.  

And God makes a river explode from the ground, and it caused a forest to grow out of Nowheresville, which then provides them with the material to build their ark.  Yay!

Ten years later...I guess Noah can get a 140 year job done in 10 years with the help of the fallen angel rock peoples. 

Ila and Shem are deeply in love, but Ila's childhood wound has left her barren (not a good situation for someone who's supposed to help repopulate the Earth).  Ham is jealous because he doesn't have a girlfriend, and Japheth (who was a baby when this whole thing began) is old enough to help with the ark building and food gathering and such.  The whole thing is disrupted when a group of Cain people show up, led by Tubal-cain (did we mention that Tubal-cain murdered Noah's dad at the beginning of the movie?).  Tubal-cain and company camp on the other side of the miracle forest, and promptly break out in chaos.  

The ark is completed on schedule, and the rain starts pouring.  The Cain peoples, realizing that what Noah mentioned about impending doom by flood is probably true, set out to take the ark.  Noah hides his family in the ark with the animals, and fights off the Cain peoples with the help of the fallen angel rock people.  Water explodes out of the ground, and the flood comes.  Everyone outside is washed away, except for Tubal-cain who has managed to stow away on the ark with the animals.

In the middle of all of this, Ila discovers that she's pregnant with Shem's child, a miracle in and of itself.  But, for whatever reason, Noah has come to the conclusion that God never meant for man to survive at all, and therefore Noah and his family are to be the last people to walk the Earth.  In light of this and the news of Ila's pregnancy, Noah is determined to kill her baby.

Nine months later...there're still on the ark.  It has stopped raining, and everyone is beginning to hope that they could find solid land to live on soon.  Shem and Ila prepare to take off on a raft to escape from Noah, but Noah destroys their raft, and Ila goes into labor (perfect timing).  Surprise, surprise, surprise, Ila has twins.  Twin girls.  Noah is about to kill them, but then stops and says, "I can't do this."  At that moment, the dove arrives with an olive branch.

Tubal-cain tries to kill Noah, but Ham eventually manages to kill him.  End of corruption.

They land, make lives for themselves, Noah has a period of depression, and Ham leaves home (thinking that he's too violent and corrupt himself).  Noah eventually comes back to himself, and bestows his blessing on Shem and Ila's children.  There's a cool explosion thing in the sky, God's sign of approval, which pans out into a really cool and vibrant rainbow.

Roll credits.

Yeah, that was a huge nutshell.

Here's my opinion of Noah, in a much smaller nutshell:

I do not consider my 2 hours and 17 minutes to be wasted.   

I didn't think it was as bad as certain petitions made it out to be.  However, I'd classify it as one of those films that are really, really good, but need different titles.  It was a version of the Noah story.  It was more like a post-Apocalyptic version of the Biblical account.  I did find it interesting, though, that they showed Methuselah being alive at the time (I think I've seen timelines that show that he would have been alive during Noah's lifetime).  The film also showed the rest of mankind as being extremely corrupt, which is Biblically accurate (not just Evan Almighty, "Hey Weirdo with a Beardo!  How's the ark building coming along?", but serious, honest to goodness corruption).  

But, be warned; Noah is rated PG-13 for a reason.  

Borderline stereotypical blood-splatter (Game of Thrones fans know what I'm talking about) abounds in the film; it's like an ejective explosion of blood that spurs out of every single wound in an almost unrealistic manner.   

In the midst of all the corruption, there's actually no overly sexual content or nudity.  Well, okay, we see Noah lying naked on the beach from a distance, but nothing explicit is shown.  Also worth noting is that Adam and Eve are shown naked in the Garden of Eden, but their anatomy is masked by a sort of glowing angelic light that envelopes their bodies, and again we don’t see anything explicit.  There is an awful lot of kissing between Ila and Shem, though.  The most that is shown is a bare stomach and bare shoulders.  Nothing explicit.  Nothing overtly sexual.  

Noah is mercifully void of harsh language problems.  Tubal-cain uses the d-word twice, but it makes sense in the context of the story (it's in his catchphrase).  It was such a relief to get through a film without being bombarded by foul language. 

But, the most important thing to remember is this:  It's an interpretive version of a classic Biblical account, NOT a word-for-word retelling of the account itself.

Why are Christians so up in arms about Noah?

First of all, not all Christians hate the movie. 

I believe I am the first of my Christian friends to have seen Noah.  Those I have talked to agree that the film should not be judged until viewed.

Most of the anti-Noah rants I've read were written by people who haven't seen the movie, but have read about it (whether it be from Glenn Beck or someone else).  While I respect Mr. Beck's opinion, I still hold my own; Noah wasn't as bad as people made it out to be.

Those who are not Glenn Beck are concerned about Biblical inaccuracy, which is actually a valid point.  But, sometimes we Christians can get a little...oh, how shall I say this?...out of control with our feelings and convictions.  While there is nothing wrong with our convictions, there comes a time when we overstep even our God-appointed duties to speak up.  

Noah is the perfect example.

When have we overstepped the realms of sanity?

When we start threatening to burn people at the stake for not agreeing with our feelings about something.  (True story, there's an article on FB stating that "[We] should consider burning at the stake any Christian leaders who endorse this movie").  I consider that to be a bit radical (and not in a good way).  Especially since Jesus, himself, commanded us numerous times to love our enemies.  The above article doesn't sound very loving or Christ-like.  It sounds more like Fred Phelps than Jesus.

For all of those who have been quoting the Bible in defense of your Noah-hating/burn-at-the-stake comments, here's a Bible verse for you:

"But, I have this complaint against you.  You don't love me or each other as you did at first!" (Revelation 2:4, NLT)

If we are going to share the truth (in this case, our feelings about the inaccuracies in Noah), we should spend less time hating and boycotting the film, and spend more time doing research so we can calmly and maturely share our thoughts and feelings with those who may not know the truth.  Trust me, nothing turns someone off like, "I'm boycotting the movie because I heard from Bill who heard from Bob who read on Facebook that the movie sucked."

By the way, there's a boycott on FB now.  I'm one of the few people who have posted something not-negative about the movie.  I've probably just set myself up for major bashing, but that's okay.  It won't change my opinion.

Should Christians see Noah?

As I told my FB friends this evening, I think those of us Christians who know what we believe and have a firm foundation in Christ are safe seeing it, if for no other reason than intelligent discussion (What was Biblically accurate? What was interpretation or creative license? etc.).  Others who are new to Christianity or aren't as firmly grounded in their faith should be careful.

Okay, so what was Biblically accurate about Noah?

1. The Corruption of the Peoples

"Now God saw that the earth had become corrupt and was filled with violence.  God observed all this corruption in the world, for everyone on earth was corrupt."  (Genesis 6:11-12, NLT)

Evan Almighty fans and people who have grown up on children's classic Bible stories may think that "corruption" means people just not loving God and teasing Noah for building a huge boat in the desert.  I once saw a kid's claymation version that portrayed "corruption" as houses bouncing around (assuming the occupants were chaotic and unruly).

In reality, think Sodom and Gomorrah...tens times worse.

That is my new opinion of the word "corruption" in this context.

Things got so bad that God, the infinitely merciful and loving creator of everything, decided to wipe them out and start over.  Remember, Sodom and Gomorrah were bad enough that God rained fire down on them to destroy them.  This is the entire world we're talking about.

So, technically, the movie's portrayal of the world's corruption is probably pretty accurate.  

The Cain peoples are unruly and murderous.  There's a rather disturbing scene where Noah goes to their encampment to find wives for Ham and Japheth, and he witnesses people trading their wives and daughter for food.  Some men manage to knock over a fence and get their hands on a donkey, and literally rip the poor thing to shreds while it's still alive.

By the way, no real animals were hurt in the making of this movie, if that makes the PETA people feel better.

2. God's Mercy 

Rewind to when God looked down and saw that the peoples of the Earth had become corrupt and He decided to wipe them out and start over.  Now, He could have just tossed a fiery bomb at us and blown up the planet, but He didn't.  Instead, He told Noah to build a big boat and put two of every animal in it so in order to preserve life.  Noah, his family, and the animals on board are to repopulate the Earth after the flood, and those God's creation isn't entirely annihilated, only purged of corruption.

"So God said to Noah, "I have decided to destroy all living creatures, for they have filled the earth with violence.  Yes, I will wipe them all out along with the earth.  Build a large boat from cypress wood and waterproof it with tar, inside and out [...] Look!  I am about to cover the earth with a flood that will destroy every living thing that breathes.  Everything on earth will die.  But I will confirm my covenant with you.  So enter the boat — you and your wife and your sons and their wives.  Bring a pair of every kind of animal — a male and a female — into the boat with you to keep them alive.””  (Genesis 6:13-14a, 17-19, NLT)

Although the name of God is never actually spoken in the movie, and God is generally referred to as "The Creator", it was still clear (at least it was to me) who we were talking about.  God, the Creator of all things.  The God who breathed life into everything and brought the world into existence just by speaking.  The same God who saved eight people and two of every animal is the same God as the one who sent His only Son to die on a cross for our sins.

3. Methuselah

While this is not actually mentioned in the Bible, I have read articles and seen charts that indicate that Methuselah would have been alive at the same time that Noah was building the ark.  So, it was kinda cool to see Methuselah pop up once in a while in the movie.

4. The Flood

Duh...

5. The Rainbow

...another "duh".  Although, it was shown in a very unique and vivid way.  

6. Noah Getting Drunk Afterwards

This is one of those things I wish they'd left out, but they put it in.  I guess most movies based on other text (whether it be Lord of the Rings or The Bible) have those scenes where we're like, "Well that's the one accurate part I wish they'd been inaccurate about."  In context, it sort of has a purpose, though.  

Again, while this is not actually mentioned in the Bible, the movie suggests the concept that Noah was so emotionally distraught after watching all of humanity die that he suffered a sort of nervous break down that may have caused temporary insanity.  This may explain why, in the movie, he convinced himself that God wanted him to kill Ila and Shem's daughters.  This may also explain why he goes off to a cave and gets drunk once everything is dried out and they're back on solid ground again.  The Bible doesn't indicate this, but it is still an interesting concept.

Other Things Worth Mentioning

1. The Watchers

Whoa, whoa, hold on!  The what???  

Okay, so I kind of forgot to mention that the movie also referred to the stone giant "fallen angel" peoples as The Watchers.  

I first heard about the Watchers in one of my favorite Christian novels, Dragons in Our Midst.  In those books, they are portrayed as fallen angels who have married humans, who are purely evil and are trying to take over the world.  In light of what I've read in those books, I was interested to see the Watcher's incorporated into the Noah movie.

In the movie, however, the Watchers are portrayed as remorseful angels who got stuck on Earth after coming down to help mankind.  They hoped and prayed for years that God would forgive them, and let them come back to Heaven, but to no avail...yet.

My thoughts: It's a Return of the King moment.

Side trip: In Return of the King, there is mention of an army that Isildur rallied to aid them in the battle against Sauron.  But, this army fled at the last minute and hid out in the mountains.  So, Isildur cursed them, so that they could never sleep until they had fulfilled their oaths.  Aragorn goes to rally the dead army to aid Rohan in defeating the armies of Sauron on the Pelennor Fields because he's Isildur's heir, and therefore the only living person with the right to rally them, and the ability to set them free.  They eventually agree to follow him into battle on the Pelennor Fields, and after the battle is won, Aragorn declares, "I hold your oaths fulfilled," and the dead army can finally actually, well, die.

It seems like the same kind of thing here.  God allowed them to be stuck on Earth for a time.  They said they wanted to help the humans, but the humans have hunted them down and killed some of them, so they gave up and hid in the wilderness.  They finally help Noah build the ark, and - although it's not said in the movie - I can image God saying, "I hold your oaths fulfilled," before He allows them to break free of their stony bodies and return to Heaven.  Again, there is no evidence of this in the Bible, or in the movie.  But, it is a concept.

Another thing about the Watchers: Genesis 6 mentions the Nephilim, who were apparently some kind of fallen angels that mated with humans (or were the Nephilim their children?).  Regardless, the Nephilim were giants, and Genesis clearly states that they were around at the time of Noah, and after the Flood.  The biggest evidence that the Nephilim were still around after the Flood is when the Israelites go to spy out the Promise Land, and come back with reports of freakishly tall giants.  So, the argument could be made that if the Nephilim were actual fallen angels (or the descendants of fallen angels), they could return to Earth and start all over again after the Flood.  

So, it is possible that this stone-encased "fallen angels" are the filmmaker's interpretation of the Nephilim?  It would make sense, since they're giants.  Food for thought.

2. Sin

Most non-Christians are of the opinion that man is basically good.  They’ll believe Pandora’s Box before they’ll admit that man brought sin into the world (as stated in Genesis). 

Noah is very adamant; man brought sin into the world when Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate the forbidden fruit.    

I applaud these guys for not shying away from the issue!

Of course, they also take it to the extreme where Noah assumes that God means to forever rid the world of mankind because they were the ones who broke the rules to begin with.  This thinking leads to the almost murder of Ila and Shem's babies, but Noah eventually comes to his senses and realizes that he and his family have been preserved in order to repopulate the Earth after the Flood.

My Biggest Problem

Yes, I have one big issue with Noah.  And it is this; they gave Methuselah way too much power in the movie.

He's portrayed as some sort of magician who can work up magic sleeping potions and make you fall asleep by breathing on you.

The whole thing is most evident concerning Ila's pregnancy.  He says he's going to give her his blessing.  What he does is tough her stomach, and it is implied that she is magically healed of her barrenness by his touch.

Before that, Noah's wife goes to Methuselah and asks him to make it possible for Ila and Shem to have children.  She doesn't even bother checking with God.  She just goes to "all-powerful Grandpa Methuselah".  And he doesn't try to say, "Yo lady, God's the guy you should be asking."  All he says is something like, "This is probably going to end tragically for you guys."  Which it almost does.

My point: I really wish they'd have given the power to it's rightful owner, God, instead of making Methuselah out to be an all-powerful magician.

Conclusion

So, Noah was definitely interesting and not a waste of time. 

It was more of a post-Apocalyptic version of the Noah story. If you're expecting a word-for-word retelling of the Biblical account, you'll be disappointed. 

However, Noah was a good, well-made movie in and of itself. And there was some Biblical accuracy in the film (the animals came two by two, God told Noah in a dream about the flood, the other peoples were extremely corrupt, and the rainbow still appeared in the sky afterward). 

I will leave it up to you to decide whether or not to see Noah, in theaters or ever.  I could tell you one way or the other, but that decision really needs to be between you and God.  

If you do go, view it as a twist on a story as opposed to a direct visual interpretation of the Biblical account.  View it skeptically and critically, analyze everything, so that you will be better able to answer when others ask you about your opinions of the film (and you'll be better equipped to tell others the truth about the story). 

 If you don't go, then please, please, please do your research before bashing the film.  Read reviews from valuable sources.  Listen to people who have seen it.  And, above all else, don't start ranting and raving like a maniac (that's the best way to turn people off, I should know).

Either way, we should use Noah as a learning experience, to teach us how to articulate our thoughts and convictions in a loving, Jesus-like way.  If we're supposed to be Jesus to the world, then maybe we should start acting like it.

And, I still did not consider my 2 hours and 17 minutes to have been wasted.